The Shanghai Pudong Airport was huge and so crowded. If this were my first time in China, as were one other couple on my flight, I would have been really overwhelmed. I wish we had more time to explore Shanghai. We are only here until this afternoon, and then we are flying to Changsha in Hunan Province to meet Elijah.
On the flight, I started getting really overwhelmed and nervous about meeting Elijah. It was the first opportunity in which I had a lot of uninterrupted time to think about meeting and spending out first few weeks together. I know that eventually it will all be okay, but I am nervous about the beginning. I am always nervous about beginnings. I feel like I need a plan -- should I bring a toy with me? Have some phrases in Mandarin memozied? Have the room set up in a certain way for when we return? I feel most comfortable when I have a plan, but for this, I have no idea. I have no plan. No matter how many books on adoption, or blogs about older child adoption I read, I cannot plan for this exact adoption. I don't know how Elijah will react or the exact circumstances of our meeting. I just have to wing it.
Or another way of looking at it is trusting. I just have to trust in God that He will guide my actions and that our Gotcha Day will be whatever Eliijah needs to feel comfortable with me. And, even if it isn't, that Elijah will eventually feel our love. My consistent prayer since our match is only that Elijah will be able to accept our love, and be able to love us back. I am not naive enough to think that we won't need to work on attachment, but pray that it will be there one day. It has been amazing to be a part of the slow, gradual process of Nicholas coming to accept our unconditional love, our hugs, our attention, and our guidance. He had been home almost 7 years and I still see evidence that our bond and his trust is growing. I can only hope that we have something similar with our newest son.
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